You know somebody’s really truly drunk when they lay down, fully intending to sleep, on the sidewalk next to the parking lot. Obviously, we couldn’t leave him there so Derek pulled him up and helped him walk down to his room and put him to bed. He’s probably still passed out. ha ha…Today we plan to share with him his activities from last night since I’m sure he won’t remember.

At Sunset I amused myself by listening to Derek cheerfully babble about how spectacularly awesome he is, especially while wearing his Jackie-O shades. To help prove his case, he ordered people to do things for him like: “Light my cigarette! Bring me an ashtray! Hand me my sunglasses!” The funny thing was that people would actually obey him! He’d look back at me and we’d both laugh, since he was totally joking and having a blast doing it.

The Gatekeeper was still sober when we arrived at the pool hall. Derek and I played against a corpsman from medical and John the Motorcycle Guy. (Who still owes me a ride) We basically humiliated ourselves for two games straight. John then played against the corpsman who sank five or six balls in a row and when he finally missed one, John leaped up yelling “I GET TO PLAY NOW!!” but he still lost.

After yet another stop at Sunset, the Gate Keeper’s inebriated personality began to emerge at a crappy bar with a dumb name I can never remember. His first victim was a girl nearby and I laughed when I saw the “Ick!” look on her face when he tried to whisper in her ear. Then he posted himself by the dance floor, staring motionless at drunken wiggling females.

We noticed after awhile that he had been motionless for quite some time and soon we discovered that he was sound asleep in his chair. Not even the plastered girl taking her pants off was enough excitement for him. At Waffle House we knew he was done for when he starting pouring ketchup on his silverware.

Who needs to get drunk when you can amuse yourself by watching drunk people?

P.S. Note to other drunk guys in bars: I didn’t come there to chitchat with YOU! I came to hang out with my buddies. They are enough trouble…

P.P.S. I am typing this now in order to keep myself awake on guard duty. I only slept for two hours last night. I have discovered that there are many different techniques for sleeping with your head propped on arms and hands. Yawn…